Week 11: Fidelity and Intimacy

This week’s readings have been focused on a topic that has frequented our dinner table and pillow talk recently; the importance of fidelity and honesty in a marriage. My husband and I have been married for almost two years and have gone through a lot in a short amount of time. Most recently we packed up our life in Utah and moved to Alabama to go after my husbands dream career of owning his own training gym. It has been a trying experience for us but one that has brought us closer together.

When we decided to move to Alabama, one of Jake’s close friends contacted him asking if Jake had any open positions in his company that he would consider hiring him for. Jake jumped on the opportunity, excited to have a familiar face out here with us. His friend, we’ll call him Eddie; his wife, who we’ll call Maddie; and his daughter, Carly all moved to Alabama soon after we did. This is a family we have known for years and Eddie is someone Jake has worked with closely in the past.

Soon after we all moved here, Jake noticed some behavior in Eddie that he wasn’t comfortable with. Eddie would blatantly flirt with women at the gym, take his ring off to do training sessions with single women, and was spending time outside of work with one of his female employees. For a few weeks, Jake let it go, hoping it would pass; but as I’m sure you guessed, it did not. Eddie progressively grew closer to this girl they worked with. He would lie to his wife about having to work early or late, but would be spending time with another woman at the gym.

After a lot of discussion and prayer, my husband decided to confront him about it. Eddie’s response was very similar to the opening paragraph of the September 2009 Ensign address, “Fidelity in Marriage: It’s More Than You Think”:

““But I’m not doing anything wrong,” insisted Jane [and Eddie] when family members voiced concern over the time she was spending with a male co-worker. “We’re just friends.”

In Jane’s [and Eddie’s] mind, she had not crossed any lines because there had been nothing physical or romantic between her and her co-worker. She saw no harm in going to lunch and spending breaks with someone with whom she had so much in common.”

While my husband continually voiced his concerns to his friend, it did not slow the train that had already left the station full speed ahead. Eddie and Maddie just finalized their divorce this week; not because Eddie had a physical affair, but because his efforts and attention were on someone other than his wife and child. It tore them apart to both feel emotionally distant.

It has been really difficult for us to see our friends go through so much pain. Eddie and Maddie are our same age, in a very similar lifestyle and situation; their experience has brought Jake and I to have some very real talks. The thought of, that would never happen to us, felt far less comforting as we watched our best friends go through a couple’s worst nightmare. So instead of just saying that it would never be us, we have ensured that it won’t be by following the teachings we have learned in this class all semester. Honest communication, openness, turning toward each other, making our home a safe place, and seeking to understand one another are stepping stones to making sure we always put each other first and don’t fall into the temptation of turning toward another.