We Are Gathered Here Today

This week’s readings have been focused on a topic that has frequented our dinner table and pillow talk recently; the importance of fidelity and honesty in a marriage. My husband and I have been married for almost two years and have gone through a lot in a short amount of time. Most recently we packed up our life in Utah and moved to Alabama to go after my husbands dream career of owning his own training gym. It has been a trying experience for us but one that has brought us closer together. When we decided to move to Alabama, one of Jake’s close friends contacted him asking if Jake had any open positions in his company that he would consider hiring him for. Jake jumped on the opportunity, excited to have a familiar face out here with us. His friend, we’ll call him Eddie; his wife, who we’ll call Maddie; and his daughter, Carly all moved to Alabama soon after we did. This is a family we have known for years and Eddie is someone Jake has worked with closely in the past. Soon after w...

At the conclusion of Gottman’s book, he shares with us his “marital poop detector”. Gottman uses the marital poop detector to find early warning signs of something not smelling quite right in a marriage. When I was reading, I thought of a favorite saying from high school, (back when things like poop were funny). Anytime someone would say, “Does that make sense?” or something of the sort, we would respond with, “yeah I’m smelling what you’re stepping in.” As funny as this may have been, it’s applicable to marriage in that we need to be on the same page with our spouse, especially when things are turning sour. If I’ve learned anything from Gottman and Goddard this semester, it is the importance of communication in any relationship, but especially marriage; the marital poop detector is no different. Being able to sense when things are off in our relationships before they escalate to a point of no return is a powerful tool. But how can we achieve this? How can we smell the poop? (Are yo...

As members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, we hear the word ‘consecrate’, in a lot of different contexts. We use consecrated oil in priesthood blessings, we live the Law of Consecration, and are asked to consecrate all we have to the building up of God’s kingdom. The Bible Dictionary defines consecrate, “To dedicate, to make holy, or to become righteous.” With this definition, how do we apply this to our marriages? How do I consecrate myself to my husband and to the covenants we have made? Elder L.G. Robbins gave an enlightening address in 1998 titled, “Agency and Anger.” Elder Robbins shared an insight from author William Wilbanks; he said, “Aggression … suppressing the anger, talking about it, screaming and yelling, are all learned strategies in dealing with anger. We choose the one that has proved effective for us in the past. Ever notice how seldom we lose control when frustrated by our boss, but how often we do when annoyed by friends or family?” I will ...

President Ezra Taft Benson addresses us on a “very misunderstood sin,” in his talk, “Beware of Pride”, from 1989 General Conference. Every word he shares is powerfully inspired and hit me to the very core. This talk was given for me; I need this counsel! There are a few points President Benson made that resonated with me but one of the most profound was that pride is rooted in contention. “Pride is essentially competitive in nature… The proud make every man their adversary by pitting their intellects, opinions, works, wealth, talents, or any other worldly measuring device against others.” How often do I let pride cloud my judgement? Almost daily! Anytime my pride comes into play, it is because I feel insecure in comparing myself to others. Pride seems to be a protection of our natural man against the challenge of loving others for their successes and talents. Instead of learning from each other and celebrating our differences we pit ourselves against others and strive to be seen a...

D&C 64:33 "Wherefore, be not weary in well-doing, for ye are laying the foundation of a great work. And out of small things proceedeth that which is great." From the beginning of a relationship, it’s all about the little things. Who is going to text first? Who is going to make the first move at the theater to hold the other’s hand? Who calls that meeting to DTR (define the relationship)? These small things lead up to other small things that tend to culminate into seemingly bigger things. Hanging out becomes dating, ring shopping becomes a proposal, choosing a florist becomes a wedding, and a simple “yes”, becomes the rest of your eternity with someone else. I look back at the path I’ve taken in life and I can recognize these “small things” that have brought about greatness. When I was a sophomore in high school, my dad lost his job and my family fell apart. My parent’s marriage crumbled and my siblings drifted apart; my older sister turned to drugs and alcohol. Becau...

The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, by John M. Gottman introduces “A Seven-Week Course in Fondness and Admiration”. Through the course of seven weeks, every weekday you respond to a prompt; it’s a simple sentence that provokes kind and loving words toward your spouse. The theory behind the course is, if we practice positive and admirable thoughts toward our loved ones, it will become habit and significantly change our relationships and personal character. Sign me up! Gottman suggests that since most couples spend the weekdays apart, they tend to put their relationship on the back burner until the weekend. I can relate to this concept. Jake and I have similar work schedules, which is a huge blessing, but means that we consistently spend Monday thru Friday apart. When we get home from work our time is dedicated to recovering from the day and preparing for the next, it’s rare that we have genuine one-on-one time to feel appreciation and care from one another. Weekends are wond...

Eight positive interactions were defined and introduced in the blog post, “The Magical Relationship Ratio, According to Science”, from The Gottman Institute. These interactions include: Be interested, express affection, demonstrate they matter, intentional appreciation, find opportunities for agreement, empathize and apologize, accept your partners perspective, and make jokes (but not at their expense). I consciously put these actions to the test in my own marriage this week and recorded the outcomes; here are a few of my findings and experiences. Be interested: My husband loves the world of fitness and spends a lot of his free time working out, studying for nutrition and training certifications, or researching new techniques. He follows the lives of several famous athletes through social media and often tells me about their latest P.R. or torn ligaments. I usually just nod and “mhm” through the conversation until he notices my disinterest and changes the conversation. This week I ...