We Are Gathered Here Today

This past Sunday, we were talking with my in-laws about the allegory of the olive tree in the Book of Jacob. We discussed how each of us has a unique part of the vineyard that we are working in, and that it changes with our season of life. We can’t compare our vineyards or our work with others, we have to follow the Spirit and do what it is we are called to do. This got me thinking; what is my vineyard? Am I doing enough? What can I do better? I love to write poetic verse. It really ends up being a jumble of thoughts on paper, but it helps me to understand my testimony and myself. As I contemplated my own vineyard, this is what I felt about my season of life. I shared these thoughts with my husband and he agrees that though our Vineyard may seem boring to some, it is a work we LOVE doing and a place we were made to be.  MY VINEYARD My vineyard is small and quaint. It sees few visitors, though all are welcome. The work looks less like plucking branches and more like ...

I have faced repentance many times in my life, and by many, I mean every single day. It’s frustrating to be human and to make so many mistakes despite knowing better; because we do know better. 2 Nephi 2:5 says, “ And men are instructed sufficiently that they know good from evil . And the law is given unto men. And by the law no flesh is justified; or, by the law men are cut off. Yea, by the temporal law they were cut off; and also, by the spiritual law they perish from that which is good and become miserable forever.” What a tragic end to look forward to. How do we escape this impending eternal misery? We are freed through Christ and through complete repentance. Jesus Christ has paid the price for our sins, but that doesn’t mean the deal is done and we need not worry. Our part of the Plan is to fully repent and take upon us the gift of Jesus Christ’s Atonement. So how is this done? Repentance is more than praying for forgiveness, we have seen examples of complete repentance ...

My husband and I have been married for 2 years and come from very different family backgrounds. My family is very warm and accepting, they live to please others. My in-laws are more restrictive in their relationships and are less affectionate and caring in general. Coming from a home where you pretended to like everyone, even if they were your worst enemy, it has been difficult to blend with a family that is very honest and open with their true feelings. My sister in law and I knew each other before I met my husband and had some experiences that left us far from being friends. Because of the opinions my sister in-law had of me, I have had difficult relationships with each of my in-laws before I’d even met them; from the very beginning, I didn’t stand a chance! The contention that lived between my sister in-law and I for so many years has created walls between our families that are intimidating and seem unlikely to fall. I have been hurt by the obvious distance my in-laws place bet...

In Richard Miller’s article, "Who is the boss? Power Relationships in Families", I saw a lot of my own family reflected in the points made. Miller states that in healthy families, parents and children know their roles and respect that parents are the leaders of the family. As the children become adults, the parents step out of the power role in their children’s lives to allow healthy relationships to continue. In my own childhood, I have experienced the chaos that an unclear hierarchy between parents and children can create. My older sister was definitely the ruler of our household; she made the rules and she chose the consequences. It was difficult for us as her younger siblings to watch my parents struggle to parent her and eventually give up on trying to parent any of us. When I was fourteen, entering high school as a freshman, my older sister was seventeen and a junior. For the majority of our lives we had gotten along, but that soon ended when she became my chauffer t...

This week’s readings have been focused on a topic that has frequented our dinner table and pillow talk recently; the importance of fidelity and honesty in a marriage. My husband and I have been married for almost two years and have gone through a lot in a short amount of time. Most recently we packed up our life in Utah and moved to Alabama to go after my husbands dream career of owning his own training gym. It has been a trying experience for us but one that has brought us closer together. When we decided to move to Alabama, one of Jake’s close friends contacted him asking if Jake had any open positions in his company that he would consider hiring him for. Jake jumped on the opportunity, excited to have a familiar face out here with us. His friend, we’ll call him Eddie; his wife, who we’ll call Maddie; and his daughter, Carly all moved to Alabama soon after we did. This is a family we have known for years and Eddie is someone Jake has worked with closely in the past. Soon after w...

At the conclusion of Gottman’s book, he shares with us his “marital poop detector”. Gottman uses the marital poop detector to find early warning signs of something not smelling quite right in a marriage. When I was reading, I thought of a favorite saying from high school, (back when things like poop were funny). Anytime someone would say, “Does that make sense?” or something of the sort, we would respond with, “yeah I’m smelling what you’re stepping in.” As funny as this may have been, it’s applicable to marriage in that we need to be on the same page with our spouse, especially when things are turning sour. If I’ve learned anything from Gottman and Goddard this semester, it is the importance of communication in any relationship, but especially marriage; the marital poop detector is no different. Being able to sense when things are off in our relationships before they escalate to a point of no return is a powerful tool. But how can we achieve this? How can we smell the poop? (Are yo...

As members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, we hear the word ‘consecrate’, in a lot of different contexts. We use consecrated oil in priesthood blessings, we live the Law of Consecration, and are asked to consecrate all we have to the building up of God’s kingdom. The Bible Dictionary defines consecrate, “To dedicate, to make holy, or to become righteous.” With this definition, how do we apply this to our marriages? How do I consecrate myself to my husband and to the covenants we have made? Elder L.G. Robbins gave an enlightening address in 1998 titled, “Agency and Anger.” Elder Robbins shared an insight from author William Wilbanks; he said, “Aggression … suppressing the anger, talking about it, screaming and yelling, are all learned strategies in dealing with anger. We choose the one that has proved effective for us in the past. Ever notice how seldom we lose control when frustrated by our boss, but how often we do when annoyed by friends or family?” I will ...

President Ezra Taft Benson addresses us on a “very misunderstood sin,” in his talk, “Beware of Pride”, from 1989 General Conference. Every word he shares is powerfully inspired and hit me to the very core. This talk was given for me; I need this counsel! There are a few points President Benson made that resonated with me but one of the most profound was that pride is rooted in contention. “Pride is essentially competitive in nature… The proud make every man their adversary by pitting their intellects, opinions, works, wealth, talents, or any other worldly measuring device against others.” How often do I let pride cloud my judgement? Almost daily! Anytime my pride comes into play, it is because I feel insecure in comparing myself to others. Pride seems to be a protection of our natural man against the challenge of loving others for their successes and talents. Instead of learning from each other and celebrating our differences we pit ourselves against others and strive to be seen a...

D&C 64:33 "Wherefore, be not weary in well-doing, for ye are laying the foundation of a great work. And out of small things proceedeth that which is great." From the beginning of a relationship, it’s all about the little things. Who is going to text first? Who is going to make the first move at the theater to hold the other’s hand? Who calls that meeting to DTR (define the relationship)? These small things lead up to other small things that tend to culminate into seemingly bigger things. Hanging out becomes dating, ring shopping becomes a proposal, choosing a florist becomes a wedding, and a simple “yes”, becomes the rest of your eternity with someone else. I look back at the path I’ve taken in life and I can recognize these “small things” that have brought about greatness. When I was a sophomore in high school, my dad lost his job and my family fell apart. My parent’s marriage crumbled and my siblings drifted apart; my older sister turned to drugs and alcohol. Becau...

The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, by John M. Gottman introduces “A Seven-Week Course in Fondness and Admiration”. Through the course of seven weeks, every weekday you respond to a prompt; it’s a simple sentence that provokes kind and loving words toward your spouse. The theory behind the course is, if we practice positive and admirable thoughts toward our loved ones, it will become habit and significantly change our relationships and personal character. Sign me up! Gottman suggests that since most couples spend the weekdays apart, they tend to put their relationship on the back burner until the weekend. I can relate to this concept. Jake and I have similar work schedules, which is a huge blessing, but means that we consistently spend Monday thru Friday apart. When we get home from work our time is dedicated to recovering from the day and preparing for the next, it’s rare that we have genuine one-on-one time to feel appreciation and care from one another. Weekends are wond...

Eight positive interactions were defined and introduced in the blog post, “The Magical Relationship Ratio, According to Science”, from The Gottman Institute. These interactions include: Be interested, express affection, demonstrate they matter, intentional appreciation, find opportunities for agreement, empathize and apologize, accept your partners perspective, and make jokes (but not at their expense). I consciously put these actions to the test in my own marriage this week and recorded the outcomes; here are a few of my findings and experiences. Be interested: My husband loves the world of fitness and spends a lot of his free time working out, studying for nutrition and training certifications, or researching new techniques. He follows the lives of several famous athletes through social media and often tells me about their latest P.R. or torn ligaments. I usually just nod and “mhm” through the conversation until he notices my disinterest and changes the conversation. This week I ...

Elder Bruce C. Hafen in his talk, "Covenant Marriage", advises that in our marriages, we take conscious precautions against three “wolves”. Not three, friendly little pigs who have little to no education on the art of construction. Not three picky bears who delight in spending time with golden haired girls, eating room temperature porridge. Natural adversity, personal imperfections, and extreme individualism; these wolves may invite you for dinner, but you’ll have to put up a fight to make it out alive. This is no bedtime story; this is the real world knocking at your door and working to tear down your marriage.  Natural adversities are inescapable because of the Fall of Adam, but we know the necessity of this event due to our faith in God’s Plan of Salvation. Just as the Fall is necessary to humanities salvation, our own difficulties are essential for our individual salvation and our family’s exaltation. In our three years together, my husband and I have already faced nat...

A couple of weeks ago our prophet, President Russell M. Nelson shared a special message with us as church members in a broadcast. My husband and I listened to his address together later that evening when we returned home from work. Being so close to General Conference, we knew his words had to be important if he was making such an effort to share them now. President Nelson shared a message of God’s love and the unchanging truth of His gospel. The words shared were riveting and soul calming, they were truly inspired by our Heavenly Father. As we can see from our reading this week, the world focuses on the now more than on an eternal perspective. Many of God’s children are unaware of His love for them and what that can mean for their personal salvation. As the world gets further away from God’s plan, we can rely on the truths of this gospel to keep us on the right path. The truths of the gospel are unchanging, including those in relation to same sex relations. I would like to share th...

The gospel is truth, and not just for members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, but for everyone. The messages that are taught through prophets and through scripture are meant for all God's children and apply to each individual. President Nelson gave an address last week emphasizing that truth will always be truth, it is never changing. This is why I love to view topics such as divorce and marriage in both a gospel and a scientific perspective.  First, apostles and prophets have spent decades preaching truth's of remaining worthy to marry in the temple and the importance of eternal families. The Family: A Proclamation to the World clearly defines our roles in family and the importance of them. It isn't a proclamation to the members of the church, it is a proclamation to the WORLD! In President Oak's talk, "Divorce", he speaks openly and directly to all of God's children. He calls us to repent for selfishness and to use differences in m...